Uni applications and the spaghetti of doubt

I don’t know about you, but I’ve reassessed my life more times than I can count. Mostly because I can’t remember how many times, but the number is in the thousands. Sometimes I examine my life and am pretty content. Some days I examine my life and pack my bag, ready to hunt down Tom Hiddleston and start a life with his weird hairline. Some days I think I could do better, be better, become more than I already am, but maintaining my steady course through life.

Those are the days I begin real world planning. I start meal prepping, I put together an exercise regime, I start adulting. My budget looks good, my nails are painted, and for a while, I feel like I’m finally ready to join the ’30s and over’ category of adults. For the past 5 years that’s worked for a grand total of two, maybe three months at a time.

Recently I’ve realised my budget is more often than not right on target. Exercise is happening regularly. I’ve been getting regular hair cuts and I look after my nails and skin. Even when I’m tired and grumpy and look like death warmed over, I am still marginally presentable. I’ve kinda got my grownup shit together! Every now and then though I become aware of this nagging sensation that I could be doing something more with my time. I could be expanding my skill set, or applying myself to something bigger.

Over the last 6 months I’ve been getting more and more invested in my job and more specifically, career progression. I can see myself moving up, or laterally, angling myself to reach a greater height. That height, I might add, is HR in State or Federal government. Coming from a background in administration, business, and recruitment, this seems like a pretty logical step. The only downside is that to get in to HR one needs a degree. To get in to State or Federal HR, one probably needs a double degree, several years relevant experience, and a professional development register than makes high level recruiters tingle when they see how many pages it is. I have nearly all those things… just not the degree.

When my mind started going down the professional rabbit hole, it occurred to me that to study HR I would probably need to have a grasp of business and commerce as a whole. I began researching universities, degree options, everything I could get my hands on to help me figure out if this is what I wanted to do. Ultimately, the answer was yes. I immediately began teaching myself economics, accounting principals, and mathematics so when the time came to enroll and begin uni, I wouldn’t be overwhelmed with how much I didn’t know.

About two weeks ago I submitted my uni application. Every day I’ve been checking the progress and making myself doubt my choice. It’s a big choice. I plan on maintaining my full time work load and studying part time. Which means I’ll be studying for 8 years… with no life. Full time work during the day, double degree by night, zero time for anything else in between. “Am I ready for that?” I ask myself while I simmer meatless mince in the frying pan. In times of doubt, when I feel overwhelmed I turn to the kitchen and the recipes dad taught me as a kid.

While I make pasta, my dads first recipe he ever taught me, I think about PJ a lot. How proud he’d be no matter what I chose to do. My dad always had my back, no matter what I did and he taught me to channel my nervous, doubtful energy in to something productive and fun… Like feeding my family. To this day spaghetti gets me through times of doubt. I know I made the right decision applying for uni. I know I have the time management, self discipline, and now the support network to get me through it.

Now I just have to wait.

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